...For Many Reasons
In the past, the usual method of conflict resolution involved an adversarial approach, settling the dispute through litigation in the court system. Unfortunately, this process is expensive, uncertain and time consuming. Additionally, disputing parties often have the need to preserve aspects of their relationship in order to conduct future business, or in the case of family disputes, maintain the harmony required for effective parenting. Sadly, because of the adversarial nature of litigation, relationships that may need some degree of preservation are often further damaged.
Litigation tends to emphasize and exaggerate differences and thus drives people further apart. Mediation brings people together. A mediator creates a safe environment for disputing parties and works with them so that they can better understand the nature of their conflict and of each other. Rather than driving you further apart, a mediator will help you to find common ground and mutual interests so that you may create an agreement that will work better for you both.
Get on with your life in a more positive manner. REDUCE STRESS. SAVE TIME AND MONEY. PRESERVE RELATIONSHIPS. There is a better way. Mediate.
A NOTE TO PARENTS IN CONFLICT: When children are involved, it is crucial that their parents resolve their conflict in the most positive and respectful manner possible. Children need to know that they are free to love both parents. You want what is best for them. No matter how difficult or impossible your conflict might seem, we can help you move ahead with your lives and get your children out of the crossfire of your dispute.
What Divorce Mediation Looks Like in New York:
The spouses meet with the mediator in approximately three to five sessions, over a period 
of at least a month, or longer if the parties desire. Without pressure, the spouses look at each issue to try to determine their own underlying interests and to identify common ground shared with the other spouse. For example, a parenting plan may be tentatively agreed to and tried, then changed and then tried and changed again without making any final commitment. While the mediation is ongoing, all agreements are tentative, and there is full opportunity for experimentation.
When final agreement is reached on all issues, the Separation Agreement is prepared, reviewed and perhaps amended and finally signed by both spouses. While perhaps not getting everything she or he would have liked, or initially had in mind, each spouse has determined that every provision is at least something with which she or he can live.
The mediator, if a Licensed New York attorney, prepares the Separation Agreement that conforms to the requirements of law to form an enforceable contract and handles all of the court filings and paperwork. When the Separation Agreement is signed, the spouses can take satisfaction in having reached agreements which make sense for both of them, for their children, for the extended family, and for preservation of their assets. By choosing to negotiate with each other under the mediator's guidance, instead of hiring a lawyer to make “winning” arguments to a judge, they have achieved an informed agreement that is carefully worded and workable, and therefore unlikely to result in post-judgment disagreement and litigation. In other words, they get an agreement that “sticks.”
How Mediation Is Different from Traditional Bargaining Toward Solutions:
To fully understand the mediation process it is first necessary to discuss some different ways in which people can negotiate or bargain and to compare and contrast the mediation process with litigation. There are two principle ways that people can work through a dispute. These are Positional Bargaining and Interest-Based Negotiation. What is Positional Bargaining? Positions are similar to demands in that they are specific statements about what we want. For instance, if a party to a dispute says “I want $100,000” and the other party says “I will offer you $10,000,” those are their positions.
Litigation then is an attorney-assisted process of positional bargaining. In litigation, clients are typically advised to seek extreme positions hoping that ultimately there will be some “meeting in the middle.” Holding firm positions works well for wearing down the other side, but it also fuels the conflict by creating uncertainty, fear, distrust -- and usually substantial expense for all concerned. Additionally, positions leave us little room for creativity in crafting solutions. Positional Bargaining is, therefore, one of the principal reasons that litigation can be such a protracted, expensive, emotionally draining and damaging process. People simply “dig in” to their positions and become unable to find a creative way out.
Rather than placing us in positions, the mediation process has us identify our underlying interests. Our interests are formed by our principles, beliefs, values and needs. For instance, as we noted above “I want $100,000” is a position. But underneath that statement may be a real interest or desire for financial security. Interest-Based Negotiation then is a method of looking beneath positions to find one’s interests. Financial security, flexibility, certainty, fairness, respect and sometimes the simple need for personal acknowledgment in the form of a thank you or an apology frequently lie at the base of the dispute.
Interests are concepts that can be heard and understood by the other party in a negotiation. Mediation then is a mediator-assisted process of interest-based negotiations that can help you to creatively explore your interests with the other party. Where positions will invite resistance and "stonewalling," properly expressed interests will invite and encourage creative solutions. It is the expression and understanding of interests that tends to draw both parties involved into mutual problem solving. This is why mediator-assisted, Interest-Based Negotiation is so effective.
NYC Family Mediation | NYC Family and Child Counseling | NYC Family and Child Therapy
